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Forums - The lounge
Subject: Evening Classes for Men
Original Message 1/28 28-Jan-07 @ 04:53 PM - Evening Classes for Men
I had one of those 'deja vu' moments reading this.
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN
ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
_____________________________________________________________________________
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course including:
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DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FL Y TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while shouting "It's not there!”, You’ve moved it!" or 'We've run out!" - Open forum
_____________________________________________________________________________
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role-play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available
Message 2/28 28-Jan-07 @ 10:26 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups
Message 3/28 29-Jan-07 @ 06:47 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 4/28 30-Jan-07 @ 03:29 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
40-ish = 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11.Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
Message 5/28 30-Jan-07 @ 07:31 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
cricket stump shoved up his backside.
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 6/28 31-Jan-07 @ 02:34 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
nme I find most of those things I can still do perfectly well even though I'm single again but eventually I have to change/fix/find them myself because there's no woman around to do it for me.....and nag about it later. It's a real catch 22.
Message 7/28 31-Jan-07 @ 09:32 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
Message 8/28 01-Feb-07 @ 12:04 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
@ PRISON you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
@ WORK you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
@ PRISON you get three meals a day fully paid for
@ WORK you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
@ PRISON you get time off for good behavior
@ WORK you get more work for good behavior
@ PRISON the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
@ PRISON you can watch TV and play games
@ WORK you could get fired for watching TV and playing games
@ PRISON you get your own toilet
@ WORK you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
@ PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK you aren't even supposed to speak to your family
@ PRISON all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
@ PRISON you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
@ PRISON you must deal with sadistic wardens
@ WORK they are called managers
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!
Message 9/28 01-Feb-07 @ 12:06 PM Edit: 01-Feb-07 | 12:10 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
milan wrote:
sitar... wife beat you at UT2k and you couldnt take it, or the other way around?
Milan...had she played UT we'd still be married.
Actually I've known many couples who play together. One couple in our WoW guild also played UT. One of their names in UT was Dv8ed, can't remember the others name in UT.
In our guild there's Ellyssana and Maineiac and a few others. It's nice to see.
Message 10/28 01-Feb-07 @ 06:27 PM - RE: Evening Classes for Men
Milan...had she played UT we'd still be married.
well damn me... i never would have guessed!
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