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Forums - The lounge
Subject: exchanges that actually took place in court
Original Message 1/14 25-Jul-10 @ 05:38 PM - exchanges that actually took place in court
which have since been published as a collection:
ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active?
WITNESS : No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________
ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know
about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Uh....
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I
sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS : Huh?
______________________________________
As for the last!!!
ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Message 2/14 25-Jul-10 @ 10:00 PM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 3/14 27-Jul-10 @ 07:57 AM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
Message 4/14 02-Aug-10 @ 12:16 AM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
Message 5/14 02-Aug-10 @ 12:31 AM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
Message 6/14 02-Aug-10 @ 04:18 AM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 7/14 02-Aug-10 @ 01:11 PM Edit: 02-Aug-10 | 01:16 PM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
My previously favourite blonde joke .....
A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After
sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know :
1. The bartender is a blonde girl .
2. I'm a blonde woman.
3. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde
4. The lady to your right is blonde.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it four times."
Message 8/14 02-Aug-10 @ 03:03 PM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
NastyM wrote:
Very funny indeed.
My previously favourite blonde
joke .....
A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After
sitting there
for awhile, he yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?
The bar
immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know
:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl .
2. Im a blonde woman.
3. The woman sitting
next to me is a blonde
4. The lady to your right is blonde.
Do you still wanna tell that
joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
Nah...not if Im
gonna have to explain it four times.
LMAO!
Message 9/14 03-Aug-10 @ 06:09 AM - RE: exchanges that actually took place in court
sitar wrote:
NastyM wrote:
Very funny indeed.
My previously favourite blonde
joke .....
A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After
sitting there
for awhile, he yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?
The bar
immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know
:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl .
2. Im a blonde woman.
3. The woman sitting
next to me is a blonde
4. The lady to your right is blonde.
Do you still wanna tell that
joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
Nah...not if Im
gonna have to explain it four times.
LMAO!
dude!.. U R quoted!
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
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