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Forums - The lounge
Subject: You Brits Might Have Seen This
Original Message Date: 03-Mar-03 @ 09:16 PM - You Brits Might Have Seen This
I love this!!
A letter from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python) to the London Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours
say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all
the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade
in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one
certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us
in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.
Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim
because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when
he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr.
Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will really be safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all
aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say
'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what
he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street
e
A letter from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python) to the London Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours
say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all
the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade
in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one
certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us
in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.
Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim
because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when
he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr.
Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will really be safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all
aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say
'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what
he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street
e
Message 11/18 04-Mar-03 @ 02:35 PM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
I think The Simpsons showed first on BBC. That's something to be proud of.
Message 12/18 05-Mar-03 @ 03:03 AM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
Wow, the conclusions you reach...
How did I get labeled a Christian "radical"? Did I mention my religion in my post?
How did you get the impression that I'm for bombing Iraq? Did I mention my viewpoint? No.
So, Man called Clay, shut your yap until you get a clue. All I did was flush out the facts. Have a problem with that? Perhaps YOU are the one who was brainwashed.
And the "dork" comment is spot on.
How did I get labeled a Christian "radical"? Did I mention my religion in my post?
How did you get the impression that I'm for bombing Iraq? Did I mention my viewpoint? No.
So, Man called Clay, shut your yap until you get a clue. All I did was flush out the facts. Have a problem with that? Perhaps YOU are the one who was brainwashed.
And the "dork" comment is spot on.
Message 13/18 05-Mar-03 @ 04:34 AM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
you flushed out some facts.....obviously needing to omit others.
but i'm too tired to yap about all the excited christian radicals.
perhaps if you were a bit more exciting to me....
but dangerous does not necessarily mean exciting.
okay...yap is shut sir.
but i'm too tired to yap about all the excited christian radicals.
perhaps if you were a bit more exciting to me....
but dangerous does not necessarily mean exciting.
okay...yap is shut sir.
Message 14/18 05-Mar-03 @ 03:46 PM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
morning footnote: conscience...not trying to start some ongoing ongoing....but my problem wasn't with you laying out your arguments....which were valid to a point.
my issue was with the terrorist remark....
i don't know you so perhaps you were waaayyy joking.
just as another person was maybe joking when they were talking about reaching for their gun.
i just think arguments should remain arguments...intelligent or otherwise.
agreement is always optional....
violence is not an option...and if it is it is one
which one best not be announcing.
i don't know if this helps.
okay...now (one day)...yap shut.
my issue was with the terrorist remark....
i don't know you so perhaps you were waaayyy joking.
just as another person was maybe joking when they were talking about reaching for their gun.
i just think arguments should remain arguments...intelligent or otherwise.
agreement is always optional....
violence is not an option...and if it is it is one
which one best not be announcing.
i don't know if this helps.
okay...now (one day)...yap shut.
Message 15/18 05-Mar-03 @ 07:53 PM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
Oh I see. The following was NOT written by me. Perhaps someone who that they were funny, stealing my tag.
"you're right... i'm just a potential christian radical who might turn into a christian terrorist given half a decent chance :P
bomb everything. "
Whoever wrote the above doesn't know crap about me or my viewpoint.
"you're right... i'm just a potential christian radical who might turn into a christian terrorist given half a decent chance :P
bomb everything. "
Whoever wrote the above doesn't know crap about me or my viewpoint.
Message 16/18 06-Mar-03 @ 12:02 AM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
perhaps this is what surprised me and pissed me off as i seem to recall your previous viewpoints carrying some degree of merit.
Message 17/18 08-Mar-03 @ 11:23 PM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
PLEASE don't accuse my arguments of having merit. ;-)
Sorry about the "shut your trap" thing...
Sorry about the "shut your trap" thing...
Message 18/18 08-Mar-03 @ 11:35 PM - RE: You Brits Might Have Seen This
i humbly apologize for that!!!!
: )
: )
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