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Subject: joke corner
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Original Message 1/17 26-Nov-06 @ 02:21 PM Edit: 26-Nov-06 | 02:23 PM - joke corner
"I have bad news for you. You are showing symptoms of avian flu, you're suffering from severe chronic diarrhea, and in an intitial test you've come up positive for hiv. But don't worry. We are going to take good care of you. You are going to get a private room and we'll put you immediately on a diet of flounder and pancakes."
Patient: Is that a diet that's proven to be beneficial?
Doctor: No, those are the only foods we can slip under the door.
In the 1980s, what was the toughest thing to do after finding out you had aids?
Convincing your parents you were Haitian.
Message 2/17 26-Nov-06 @ 08:34 PM - RE: joke corner
Message 3/17 27-Nov-06 @ 10:51 AM - RE: joke corner
i've heard no new jokes sadly
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I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 4/17 27-Nov-06 @ 02:41 PM - RE: joke corner
Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits
down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her
ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy
And that she will have to go and sit in the back.
The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot
And co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First
Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that
Because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an
Economy place and she will have to leave and return to her
original seat
The blonde replies, Im blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use
And that he probably should have the police waiting when they
land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?'
'I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak
blonde!'
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says,
"Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her
Seat in the economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him
What he said to make her move without any fuss. The pilot
replied,
"I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne."
Message 5/17 27-Nov-06 @ 06:17 PM - RE: joke corner
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 7/17 28-Nov-06 @ 08:01 PM - RE: joke corner
Message 8/17 04-Dec-06 @ 06:34 AM - RE: joke corner
A bit later, after some post-coital wine, the fellow starts hitting it off with the other sister. After a bit of chat, she invites him back to the bedroom as well. After similar concern for the other sister on his part, she assures him, "it's fine... she'll just play the oboe." So they did... and she did. Everything was lovely.
Months later the siamese twins walk into a restaurant and see the man. One sister says to the other, "Oh, there's that man we spent that lovely evening with back in march, remember?"... to which the other replied, "Oh yes, that was fun. We should say something...you think he remembers us?"
Message 10/17 20-Dec-06 @ 06:33 AM - RE: joke corner
So this dude's layin' it in on this girl and he says, "I'm gonna turn you over and fuck you in the ass"
... To which she replies, "Aren't you being a bit presumptuous?"
... To which he replies, "Isn't 'presumptuous' an awfully big word for an 8-year-old?"
Message 12/17 21-Dec-06 @ 06:27 PM - RE: joke corner
Part of the treament required him to bring the meat of a particular breed of baby seagull, found only near the lake on the far side of a forest.
While transporting the seagulls through the forest on the way back to the airport, he came across a pack of lions blocking the road.
They were all sleeping, so he had to very carefully tiptoe around them to not wake them up
He managed to do that safely, except that he was met by a policeman on the other side and immediately arrested.
When asking the cop the reason for his arrest, the officer said:
"Attempting to take young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."
Message 13/17 21-Dec-06 @ 06:40 PM - RE: joke corner
Message 14/17 21-Dec-06 @ 06:49 PM - RE: joke corner
/sigh
Message 15/17 21-Dec-06 @ 07:36 PM - RE: joke corner
One of them says "Hey, we'd better get going."
"Not to worry," says another. "I tied some of the pages to the conductor's music together. We'll have a few more minutes before we have to leave." So they continue drinking.
Finally, they stumble back on stage.
It was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, and the bassists were loaded.
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