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Forums - The lounge
Subject: the iraqi baseball team
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Original Message 1/2 16-Jul-09 @ 04:47 AM Edit: 16-Jul-09 | 05:41 AM - the iraqi baseball team
I sent the following in an email to a French friend of mine. She's a 76 year old woman with a
lot of spunk and she hates sports. Here's the story followed by my take:
This is a feel good story. Last night Rachel Maddow, a commentator host on msnbc, talked
about the official Iraqi baseball team. They had to stop playing in Iraq since the invasion by the
U.S., fearing for the safety of the players and the spectators. They recently had their first
game in Iraq since the invasion. They played the Palestinian baseball team. There is
unfortunately no money available to support the Iraqi team. Their jerseys bare the name of a
Japanese baseball team. I think the jerseys were donated by Japan where they have played
since the invasion. Their equipment, bats and gloves, is old and they only have 3 baseballs to
use, meaning if someone hits one out of the park they have to go and retrieve it. They don't
actually have a baseball park. They have to play on a soccer field. Rachel said the staff at
msnbc was trying to figure out a way to help the team. They were talking about voluntary
donations by the staff I guess. That was last night. Tonight she said that after she reported the
story they were swamped with phone calls from people who:
Offered to donate used equipment
Offered to donate new equipment
Offered to send money to purchase equipment for the team
Offered contacts in the Iraqi government with whom to coordinate
Offered contacts in the U.S. government with whom to coordinate
The players are already being fitted for baseball shoes (called cleats) and gloves because a
company is going to send them the equipment.
The players have already been fitted for jerseys that will be manufactured with their team
name written on them.
It's a nice story but my opinion? We should be supporting an Iraqi football team. (American
Football) Imagine you have a meter that's like a thermometer, red liquid in a glass tube rises
upward with the excitement level. Let's say this meter of yours measures excitement in
increments between 0 and 100. Using every ounce of its effort GOLF will push that meter to
*1*. And believe me...that's a fucking struggle. Listen, none of the spectators on a golf course
are allowed to say anything while a shot is being taken because it will break the competitor's
"concentration". What fucking concentration are we talking about? Imagine if everyone in a
football stadium had to shut up while the quarterback threw a pass so as not to break his
concentration. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! Ok I'll put it in a language you can understand.
Imagine if all those soccer fans had to stop singing "Que sera, sera! Whatever will be will be!"
everytime the ball was in play? Holy shit! Concentration is something you develop under
adverse circumstances. It's like a muscle. Most people develop at least the minimal amount of
concentration to be able to sit in a restaurant and shut everything out in order to read the
newspaper. If your concentration is broken because a fucking bird chirps, I'm sorry but you
have no concentration. Golf is a game (I can't believe they call it a sport because it resembles
the Parker Brothers game Monopoly more than anything I've ever called a sport) in which the
players have absolutely no power of concentration. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nichts. In the game of
football a quarterback has to shut out the deafening noise of an acoustically challenged
stadium filled with 60,000 angry spectators while at the same time 4, 5, 6, or even 7 monsters
the size of trucks with the speed of formula one race cars chase him down with the intent of
burying him under what could amount to 1,000 pounds of flesh *but* if he doesn't complete
the fucking pass he gets criticized the next day in the tabloids. Meanwhile back on the golf
course, if a spectator sneezes, if a squirrel "chitters", if a firetruck is heard off in the distance
the golfer has a case for doing his shot over. Does it surprise you that most golfers are
fucking republicans? I don't want to make this into a partisan issue...even though it is. Fucking
republicans. They want to allow people to carry concealed weapons into federal parks. Why
don't we allow people to carry concealed weapons onto golf courses. I might take a new
interest in the sport....."Oh.....did my glock semiautomatic go off just as you were starting your
swing again? Did I break your fucking CONCENTRATION??? I'm so sorry....asshole".
I could go on about golf but I'll get back to why I wish it was an Iraqi football team that was the
recipient of our charity. Let's go back to the meter that looks like a thermometer. If with all of
its effort golf can push that red stuff up to the number *1*, baseball can get it all the way up to
number *2*. WOOHOO! How exfuckingciting is that? Just watch a couple of baseball games
and take note of how bored the managers, THE MANAGERS MIND YOU, look in the dugout
anytime a camera zooms in on them. If you are making 5 million dollars a year you'd think you
could at least fake a facial expression of excitement. But no...they gave up on that at least 7
decades ago. The fans pay 100s of dollars to watch the stinkin' game and they are somehow
able to look excited. Maybe the beer guy needs to pass by the dugout more often. But guess
what? I'll back off on baseball because IT BEATS GOLF HANDS DOWN! Want to know what
hell is? Hell is dieing and finding yourself in a world that has only two cable channels, the golf
channel and the baseball channel. Back to football. From the opening kickoff that thermometer
goes all the way to 100 and the fluid could quite possibly burst through the top if you're not
careful. When you turn on a football game make sure you keep that thermomatic meter away
from children. Glass shards hurt.
I'll admit Rachel Maddow's story is a feel good story and I'm happy for the Iraqi baseball team.
Finally they get to know what excitement feels like. The donations are heartfelt and really
wonderful but seriously we are making yet another mistake in Iraq! Oh that's right! Bush was
once the owner of a major league baseball team. Asshole. It all comes together now. Of
course Bush's team sucked. That's a no brainer. Word is he had planned to carry out one of
his failed shock and awe things over New York until someone told him, "pssst....the Yankees
are known as "The Bronx Bombers" wink wink. Come on. The Iraqis have to have a football
team we can support.
lot of spunk and she hates sports. Here's the story followed by my take:
This is a feel good story. Last night Rachel Maddow, a commentator host on msnbc, talked
about the official Iraqi baseball team. They had to stop playing in Iraq since the invasion by the
U.S., fearing for the safety of the players and the spectators. They recently had their first
game in Iraq since the invasion. They played the Palestinian baseball team. There is
unfortunately no money available to support the Iraqi team. Their jerseys bare the name of a
Japanese baseball team. I think the jerseys were donated by Japan where they have played
since the invasion. Their equipment, bats and gloves, is old and they only have 3 baseballs to
use, meaning if someone hits one out of the park they have to go and retrieve it. They don't
actually have a baseball park. They have to play on a soccer field. Rachel said the staff at
msnbc was trying to figure out a way to help the team. They were talking about voluntary
donations by the staff I guess. That was last night. Tonight she said that after she reported the
story they were swamped with phone calls from people who:
Offered to donate used equipment
Offered to donate new equipment
Offered to send money to purchase equipment for the team
Offered contacts in the Iraqi government with whom to coordinate
Offered contacts in the U.S. government with whom to coordinate
The players are already being fitted for baseball shoes (called cleats) and gloves because a
company is going to send them the equipment.
The players have already been fitted for jerseys that will be manufactured with their team
name written on them.
It's a nice story but my opinion? We should be supporting an Iraqi football team. (American
Football) Imagine you have a meter that's like a thermometer, red liquid in a glass tube rises
upward with the excitement level. Let's say this meter of yours measures excitement in
increments between 0 and 100. Using every ounce of its effort GOLF will push that meter to
*1*. And believe me...that's a fucking struggle. Listen, none of the spectators on a golf course
are allowed to say anything while a shot is being taken because it will break the competitor's
"concentration". What fucking concentration are we talking about? Imagine if everyone in a
football stadium had to shut up while the quarterback threw a pass so as not to break his
concentration. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! Ok I'll put it in a language you can understand.
Imagine if all those soccer fans had to stop singing "Que sera, sera! Whatever will be will be!"
everytime the ball was in play? Holy shit! Concentration is something you develop under
adverse circumstances. It's like a muscle. Most people develop at least the minimal amount of
concentration to be able to sit in a restaurant and shut everything out in order to read the
newspaper. If your concentration is broken because a fucking bird chirps, I'm sorry but you
have no concentration. Golf is a game (I can't believe they call it a sport because it resembles
the Parker Brothers game Monopoly more than anything I've ever called a sport) in which the
players have absolutely no power of concentration. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nichts. In the game of
football a quarterback has to shut out the deafening noise of an acoustically challenged
stadium filled with 60,000 angry spectators while at the same time 4, 5, 6, or even 7 monsters
the size of trucks with the speed of formula one race cars chase him down with the intent of
burying him under what could amount to 1,000 pounds of flesh *but* if he doesn't complete
the fucking pass he gets criticized the next day in the tabloids. Meanwhile back on the golf
course, if a spectator sneezes, if a squirrel "chitters", if a firetruck is heard off in the distance
the golfer has a case for doing his shot over. Does it surprise you that most golfers are
fucking republicans? I don't want to make this into a partisan issue...even though it is. Fucking
republicans. They want to allow people to carry concealed weapons into federal parks. Why
don't we allow people to carry concealed weapons onto golf courses. I might take a new
interest in the sport....."Oh.....did my glock semiautomatic go off just as you were starting your
swing again? Did I break your fucking CONCENTRATION??? I'm so sorry....asshole".
I could go on about golf but I'll get back to why I wish it was an Iraqi football team that was the
recipient of our charity. Let's go back to the meter that looks like a thermometer. If with all of
its effort golf can push that red stuff up to the number *1*, baseball can get it all the way up to
number *2*. WOOHOO! How exfuckingciting is that? Just watch a couple of baseball games
and take note of how bored the managers, THE MANAGERS MIND YOU, look in the dugout
anytime a camera zooms in on them. If you are making 5 million dollars a year you'd think you
could at least fake a facial expression of excitement. But no...they gave up on that at least 7
decades ago. The fans pay 100s of dollars to watch the stinkin' game and they are somehow
able to look excited. Maybe the beer guy needs to pass by the dugout more often. But guess
what? I'll back off on baseball because IT BEATS GOLF HANDS DOWN! Want to know what
hell is? Hell is dieing and finding yourself in a world that has only two cable channels, the golf
channel and the baseball channel. Back to football. From the opening kickoff that thermometer
goes all the way to 100 and the fluid could quite possibly burst through the top if you're not
careful. When you turn on a football game make sure you keep that thermomatic meter away
from children. Glass shards hurt.
I'll admit Rachel Maddow's story is a feel good story and I'm happy for the Iraqi baseball team.
Finally they get to know what excitement feels like. The donations are heartfelt and really
wonderful but seriously we are making yet another mistake in Iraq! Oh that's right! Bush was
once the owner of a major league baseball team. Asshole. It all comes together now. Of
course Bush's team sucked. That's a no brainer. Word is he had planned to carry out one of
his failed shock and awe things over New York until someone told him, "pssst....the Yankees
are known as "The Bronx Bombers" wink wink. Come on. The Iraqis have to have a football
team we can support.
Message 2/2 20-Jul-09 @ 10:53 AM - RE: the iraqi baseball team
wasnt that football? (soccer) Iraq recently played palestine - first game at home for years since saddam got in apparently, or something like that
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
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