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Forums - The lounge
Subject: Women
Viewing all 10 messages - View by pages of 10: 1
Original Message 1/10 23-Apr-10 @ 12:56 AM Edit: 23-Apr-10 | 12:59 AM - Women
NastyM
Posts: 294
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Q. What two words rhyme with Women
A. 1.) Swimming
2.) Why do you have to go and ruin my life you fat ugly bitch!
I know the second answer doesn`t rhyme, or is not necessarily true but by the be-Jesusin` fuck are they not rational creatures?
Once a month they shed enough blood to kill any other creature and at the same time still seem to be able to transform themselves into the most hidious of life forms, rationality completely departing from thier psyche.
Even when they fully understand that they are being complete and utter twats they continue to forge thier way forward into the bounds of insanity.
Blokes are on the other hand rationable, reasonable and in most cases complient to thier whims and fickle nature.
My wife once summed up how she fealt "when she had the decorators in" when she said "i`m leaving the kitchen now, because if i stay in here with this knife in my hand i`ll stab you". This was not a one off, but strangely enough shes all hugs and kisses when shes got her full quota of blood (Unfortunately today ain`t a good day for her to be in the kitchen - hope i`m still alive by the morning!)
I love my old mare to bits, but it ain`t easy.
An old friend of mine one stated that "if being gay means only holding hands it sounds a better option", I personally am going to hang on to the fact that sometime in the future she will eventually go through the menopause and i will have release from the mayhem i refer to as "married life", its either that or elected historectomy.
Whinge over.
ps if you read this Lisa I love you and still cherish my balls!
pps Thanks for putting your life on hold for the kids.
pps Sorry to any of the ladies out there who may read this.
Love with fear
Martyn
A. 1.) Swimming
2.) Why do you have to go and ruin my life you fat ugly bitch!
I know the second answer doesn`t rhyme, or is not necessarily true but by the be-Jesusin` fuck are they not rational creatures?
Once a month they shed enough blood to kill any other creature and at the same time still seem to be able to transform themselves into the most hidious of life forms, rationality completely departing from thier psyche.
Even when they fully understand that they are being complete and utter twats they continue to forge thier way forward into the bounds of insanity.
Blokes are on the other hand rationable, reasonable and in most cases complient to thier whims and fickle nature.
My wife once summed up how she fealt "when she had the decorators in" when she said "i`m leaving the kitchen now, because if i stay in here with this knife in my hand i`ll stab you". This was not a one off, but strangely enough shes all hugs and kisses when shes got her full quota of blood (Unfortunately today ain`t a good day for her to be in the kitchen - hope i`m still alive by the morning!)
I love my old mare to bits, but it ain`t easy.
An old friend of mine one stated that "if being gay means only holding hands it sounds a better option", I personally am going to hang on to the fact that sometime in the future she will eventually go through the menopause and i will have release from the mayhem i refer to as "married life", its either that or elected historectomy.
Whinge over.
ps if you read this Lisa I love you and still cherish my balls!
pps Thanks for putting your life on hold for the kids.
pps Sorry to any of the ladies out there who may read this.
Love with fear
Martyn
Message 2/10 23-Apr-10 @ 12:44 PM - RE: Women
bad day at the office then? lol 
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 3/10 23-Apr-10 @ 04:19 PM - RE: Women
NastyM
Posts: 294
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yup - sorry for the rant, will wander through the streets with my head hung in the shameful pose of the gutter watcher.
Message 4/10 23-Apr-10 @ 08:32 PM - RE: Women
it's funny how some women go ballistic at that time of the month and others seem to keep things
more under control. my problem is that i'm sometimes not aware a woman is having her period and
at the same time trying to figure out "what did i say to make her hate my guts?". a day or 2 later she
apologizes and tells me it was that time of the month and i'm like
how
do i forget every month?
then there's the trick question, "does this dress make my butt look too big?" it's like answering the
question "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" no matter your answer you'll get the opposing
argument or "you wouldn't tell me the truth if it did". so why even ask me in the first place? still, i
always answer "no hun. it makes your butt look perfect" because by the time she gets around to
asking that question we are already 1/2 late to wherever we are supposed to be.
anyway, sorry you're in hell but i'm sure your wife must be a lovely woman that you are willing to deal
with the downside.
more under control. my problem is that i'm sometimes not aware a woman is having her period and
at the same time trying to figure out "what did i say to make her hate my guts?". a day or 2 later she
apologizes and tells me it was that time of the month and i'm like
how do i forget every month?
then there's the trick question, "does this dress make my butt look too big?" it's like answering the
question "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" no matter your answer you'll get the opposing
argument or "you wouldn't tell me the truth if it did". so why even ask me in the first place? still, i
always answer "no hun. it makes your butt look perfect" because by the time she gets around to
asking that question we are already 1/2 late to wherever we are supposed to be.
anyway, sorry you're in hell but i'm sure your wife must be a lovely woman that you are willing to deal
with the downside.
Message 5/10 23-Apr-10 @ 09:35 PM - RE: Women
NastyM
Posts: 294
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File?: No file
Cheers for the sentiment.
My wifes absolutely great and in all honesty she puts up with a damn site worse from me, but i`m consistant and this is my saving grace.
Consistantly late home from the local, consistantly scruffy, consistantly staying up to all sorts of unearthly hours, consistantly billious after food, consistantly hogging the lav when i come home from work, but above all consistantly consistant.
Now this is my downfall with woman, living with them is like trying to surf on the back of well greased sperm whale with buttered feet and a blind fold in the midst of a tsunami.
Youll never be able to second guess thier next move because they cant either. We just have to appologise and hope they never look beyond the smile that hides gritted teeth.
Unfortunately my smile is slowly wearing thin and feel myself developing ever Fawlty mannerisms of feigned sincerity.
One anecdote i`m reminded of is the young lad on a train who tells the older lady of his troubles with the new wife. After a rather long chat the lad retelling of his wifes unreasonable nature he eventually asks the womans advice.To his amazement she recommends that before he returns home that evening he should call at the florist and pick up some flowers as a peace offering. At the stage he frowns scratching his head in absolute astonishment ..."did you not listen to a word that I have just spoken, the wife was completely in the wrong!"
"In that case my dear young fellow you`d best take a box of chocolates as well" the lady replies.
Personally not a problem for me have rarely had to buy the old peg flowers as she is allergic to pratically everything - the last peace offering consisted of trimmed brocolli stem - what a winner!
My wifes absolutely great and in all honesty she puts up with a damn site worse from me, but i`m consistant and this is my saving grace.
Consistantly late home from the local, consistantly scruffy, consistantly staying up to all sorts of unearthly hours, consistantly billious after food, consistantly hogging the lav when i come home from work, but above all consistantly consistant.
Now this is my downfall with woman, living with them is like trying to surf on the back of well greased sperm whale with buttered feet and a blind fold in the midst of a tsunami.
Youll never be able to second guess thier next move because they cant either. We just have to appologise and hope they never look beyond the smile that hides gritted teeth.
Unfortunately my smile is slowly wearing thin and feel myself developing ever Fawlty mannerisms of feigned sincerity.
One anecdote i`m reminded of is the young lad on a train who tells the older lady of his troubles with the new wife. After a rather long chat the lad retelling of his wifes unreasonable nature he eventually asks the womans advice.To his amazement she recommends that before he returns home that evening he should call at the florist and pick up some flowers as a peace offering. At the stage he frowns scratching his head in absolute astonishment ..."did you not listen to a word that I have just spoken, the wife was completely in the wrong!"
"In that case my dear young fellow you`d best take a box of chocolates as well" the lady replies.
Personally not a problem for me have rarely had to buy the old peg flowers as she is allergic to pratically everything - the last peace offering consisted of trimmed brocolli stem - what a winner!
Message 6/10 25-Apr-10 @ 11:49 PM - RE: Women
quote
NastyM wrote:
Now this is my downfall with woman, living with them is like
trying to surf on the back of well greased sperm whale with buttered feet and a blind fold in the midst
of a tsunami.
NastyM wrote:
Now this is my downfall with woman, living with them is like
trying to surf on the back of well greased sperm whale with buttered feet and a blind fold in the midst
of a tsunami.
lol something like that. it's almost always a challenge. my dad and his second wife never had an
argument. they were like two lovebirds. i never found that for myself but it can happen. a philosopher,
maybe aristotle but i really don't remember, once said "if you're blessed in life you'll find a loving wife.
if not, there's always philosophy"
i read that on the side of a celestial seasonings tea box.
Message 7/10 01-May-10 @ 04:30 PM - RE: Women
ever wonder why human sexuality is such a confused mess these days. here are one or two
reasons. doctors who specialize in women's reproductive health are called
guynecologists, not girlnecologists. shouldn't a man who's gotten a sex change operation to become
a transsexual go to a gaynecologist?
reasons. doctors who specialize in women's reproductive health are called
guynecologists, not girlnecologists. shouldn't a man who's gotten a sex change operation to become
a transsexual go to a gaynecologist?
Message 8/10 07-May-10 @ 10:50 PM Edit: 08-May-10 | 12:53 AM - RE: Women
another thought on women. women in most if not all cultures grow up, starting from when they
are little girls, learning how to wear makeup and pick out clothes, clothes that match, keep up
with fashion trends, and that look good on them. guys grow up preferring jeans and a t-shirt in
their preteen years, choosing jeans and a t-shirt in their teen years, preferring jeans and a t-
shirt
in their college years, and when years later they can finally retire and are no longer required to
wear suits and ties they get out their jeans and t-shirts again. granted, guys usually have a
favorite shirt but we wear that shirt long after it's become so worn out that there are actually
holes worn through parts of it until one day with tears in our eyes we finally have to throw it in
the
trash and that's one of the most difficult things we have to do in life.
so how is it that women will ask their husbands or boyfriends, "do i look good in this outfit?"
tossing their years of study out to rely on our vast jean and t-shirt opinion of the world of
fashion? and you know you can't answer "hun you look best in jeans, a t-shirt, and a shirt
that's
torn to shreds" because you'd be basically telling them that all those years of trying on
countless
fashions was in the end a waste of time. of course you have to answer, "you look like a million
dollars" to which they answer "be honest" to which you have to answer "i am being honest"
even
though you know you're not.
oh and another thing. at one point in my college years i had a job working in trees. i'd climb up
big trees using ladders and ropes in order to cut off dead limbs and stuff. one day after work i
went back to the stonybrook campus on long island but i wasn't in the mood to see my
girlfriend right away so i went to the cafe/nightclub called "the rainy nighthouse" after a song by
joni mitchell i think. turns out my girlfriend was there. i had come straight from work. she was
all over me and told me how sexy i looked and, of all things, smelled. guess what i was
wearing? jeans and a t-shirt covered with a combination of tree sap and black smudges, i
guess from dirt i picked up climbing around in trees. again, they ask us for our fashion
opinions. lol
next time a girl asks me how she looks i'm going to tell her to climb around in giant oak trees
for a day, then get back to me.
are little girls, learning how to wear makeup and pick out clothes, clothes that match, keep up
with fashion trends, and that look good on them. guys grow up preferring jeans and a t-shirt in
their preteen years, choosing jeans and a t-shirt in their teen years, preferring jeans and a t-
shirt
in their college years, and when years later they can finally retire and are no longer required to
wear suits and ties they get out their jeans and t-shirts again. granted, guys usually have a
favorite shirt but we wear that shirt long after it's become so worn out that there are actually
holes worn through parts of it until one day with tears in our eyes we finally have to throw it in
the
trash and that's one of the most difficult things we have to do in life.
so how is it that women will ask their husbands or boyfriends, "do i look good in this outfit?"
tossing their years of study out to rely on our vast jean and t-shirt opinion of the world of
fashion? and you know you can't answer "hun you look best in jeans, a t-shirt, and a shirt
that's
torn to shreds" because you'd be basically telling them that all those years of trying on
countless
fashions was in the end a waste of time. of course you have to answer, "you look like a million
dollars" to which they answer "be honest" to which you have to answer "i am being honest"
even
though you know you're not.
oh and another thing. at one point in my college years i had a job working in trees. i'd climb up
big trees using ladders and ropes in order to cut off dead limbs and stuff. one day after work i
went back to the stonybrook campus on long island but i wasn't in the mood to see my
girlfriend right away so i went to the cafe/nightclub called "the rainy nighthouse" after a song by
joni mitchell i think. turns out my girlfriend was there. i had come straight from work. she was
all over me and told me how sexy i looked and, of all things, smelled. guess what i was
wearing? jeans and a t-shirt covered with a combination of tree sap and black smudges, i
guess from dirt i picked up climbing around in trees. again, they ask us for our fashion
opinions. lol
next time a girl asks me how she looks i'm going to tell her to climb around in giant oak trees
for a day, then get back to me.
Message 9/10 08-May-10 @ 01:26 AM Edit: 08-May-10 | 01:29 AM - RE: Women
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Well Sitar baby you are the lucky fella
I for one, during my "courting" for want of a better word, used to turn up to the local pub (bar) after cycling home from work - lycra, sweat and generally soggy footwear which i used to dry out on the open log fire, or at the very least the side of it.
I used to wooo my soon to be missus with tales of office mayhem and cycling escapades etc .. accompanied by the cyclists lunchbox - crown jewels tightly wrapped in lycra (a treat for any innocent young girl.)
within a matter of days, nay even hours, she began to dismiss my advances and suggest i clean myself (act and all) up
To be honest the rough and rugged look failed me completely (probably due to being rough, sweaty and boring). However I did manage to land the fish through being marginally more interesting and diverse from corpses she had been previously pursuing.
Therefore i can only conclude sweaty and stale can only beat a rival if the rival is absolutely shit boring - i won by a nose width.
But on a more serious note (not to dof myself down further), I won on sincerity and moderate humour - she won on tits and youth!
Although it was a close call between her and her mother being slap bang in the middle of the age differential (10 either way) experience and wit - tits and shit.
I for one, during my "courting" for want of a better word, used to turn up to the local pub (bar) after cycling home from work - lycra, sweat and generally soggy footwear which i used to dry out on the open log fire, or at the very least the side of it.
I used to wooo my soon to be missus with tales of office mayhem and cycling escapades etc .. accompanied by the cyclists lunchbox - crown jewels tightly wrapped in lycra (a treat for any innocent young girl.)
within a matter of days, nay even hours, she began to dismiss my advances and suggest i clean myself (act and all) up
To be honest the rough and rugged look failed me completely (probably due to being rough, sweaty and boring). However I did manage to land the fish through being marginally more interesting and diverse from corpses she had been previously pursuing.
Therefore i can only conclude sweaty and stale can only beat a rival if the rival is absolutely shit boring - i won by a nose width.
But on a more serious note (not to dof myself down further), I won on sincerity and moderate humour - she won on tits and youth!
Although it was a close call between her and her mother being slap bang in the middle of the age differential (10 either way) experience and wit - tits and shit.
Message 10/10 08-May-10 @ 01:47 AM - RE: Women
lol nasty. well props to you. however you close the deal.
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