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Forums - The lounge
Subject: Joke!
Viewing all 20 messages - View by pages of 10: 1 2
Original Message 1/20 07-Nov-02 @ 05:46 PM - Some nice light-hearted childish humour!
He takes a few calls, then gets to this guy:
DJ : Ok caller, you're on the air, what's your word?
Caller : 'Gwaan'
DJ : Gwaan, ok, put that into a sentence
Caller : Gwaan fuck yourself!
The DJ promptly ends the call and apologises to his listeners, then plays a few tunes. About 10 minutes later he takes a few more calls, and gets to another guy....
DJ : Ok caller, you're on the air, what's your word?
Caller : 'Smee'
DJ : Smee, and can you put that into a sentence for us?
Caller : Smee again, gwaan fuck yourself!
Message 2/20 07-Nov-02 @ 05:49 PM - RE: Joke!
Message 3/20 07-Nov-02 @ 06:04 PM - RE: Joke!
Zazza
Posts: 1502
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Message 4/20 07-Nov-02 @ 06:07 PM - RE: Joke!
dad. While he's getting his hair cut, she
stands right next to the barber chair eating a
snack cake. The barber says to her, "Little girl,
you're going to get hair on your Twinkie."
Without a pause, she says right back, "Yep,
I'm gonna grow boobs, too."
Message 5/20 07-Nov-02 @ 06:18 PM Edit: 07-Nov-02 | 06:19 PM - RE: Joke!
Zazza
Posts: 1502
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Her mother rushes over to the dog, slips, cracks her head open and starts bleeding profusely.
Cars screech to a halt and there's a huge pileup. The little girl is left on the side of the crying her eyes out while ambulances and police start arriving.
One of the policeman sees her and gently picks her up and carries her into the back of his police car.
He tells he is going to take her to the station so that someone can look after her.
They stop at a building and he leads her up the stairs and into a seedy looking apartment.
He closes the door behind him, unbuckles his belt and says, 'Just not your day is it little girl?'
Message 6/20 07-Nov-02 @ 07:25 PM - RE: Joke!
a chicken and an agg lying in the bad smoking ciggaretes after sex. while the chicken has a grinn on his face the egg seems kinda grim and unhappy. the chicken says "i guess now we know the answer to that old question, eh?"
Message 7/20 07-Nov-02 @ 10:52 PM - RE: Joke!
this sailor's out to sea for quite some time. when he gets back, he's whipped up quite a hankerin' for some booty.
so he goes to the nearby brothel and asks for a girl. all he had was $2 though, so all he could afford was "grannie." she was an 80-year-old withered hag in a yellow string bikini. but this guy was fuckin' horny.
so he says fuck it and dives in. now, it's really hurtin' him... it's dry and scratchy and cold to be frank. so he asks her if she has any lube. she says yes and asks him to turn out the light.
he does so and they go at it. oh man, best sex ever! he's lovin' it.... nailin' her hard, it's all smooth and juicy now!
when they finished, he cuddled her. "wow, that was some great lube you've got there, what brand is it?"
"oh, sonny, i don't use that stuff. I just pick the scabs and let the pus run."
psylichon
i know where the door is, thank you
Message 8/20 08-Nov-02 @ 12:26 AM - RE: Joke!
Zazza
Posts: 1502
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File?: No file
Message 9/20 08-Nov-02 @ 01:17 AM - RE: Joke!
Superman is flyin around after work one day, lookin for somethin to do, someone to hang out with.
Sees the Incredible Hulk and flies down to him
"Hey Hulk. Whats up?!?"
"UNGH"
"Hey...how bout you and me go down get us some girls and some beers?"
"Cant...gotta work. UNNNGGGG"
"Well fuck it then. Cya"
Flies off....cruisin around some more. Sees CAPTAIN AMERICA!
"Hey Cap! Wanna go get us some hookers and some drinks? Have a little fun?"
"Sorry Supe...cant do it. Got a girlfriend now!"
"Awright well SHIT!"
so he flies off and hes thinkin to himself "Well, its too late to start drinkin now, but I REALLY need to get LAID! Guess I'll just head over to the red light and get me a girl"
But as he's flyin over the city he sees WONDER WOMAN on top of a skyscraper. TOTALLY NAKED, legs wide open.
"Hmmm....wonder what she's doin! Wow...I could just fly down there, give it to her real quick...and Id be OFF before she knew what happened!"
so he flies down BOOM BOOM BOOM and flies off, satisfied.
As he's flyin away he hears Wonder Woman say "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!~?!~?"
And the Invisible Man says "HELL IF I KNOW BUT MY ASS SURE HURTS!!!!!"
Message 10/20 08-Nov-02 @ 05:29 AM - RE: Joke!
Message 12/20 08-Nov-02 @ 02:50 PM - RE: Joke!
Wife: "Cos your never there"
Message 13/20 13-Nov-02 @ 09:44 PM - RE: Joke!
atom1 "i've lost my electron"
atom2 "you sure?"
atom1 "yeah, i'm positive"
Message 14/20 13-Nov-02 @ 09:52 PM - RE: Joke!
Zazza
Posts: 1502
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Message 15/20 20-Nov-02 @ 12:17 AM - RE: Joke!
How do they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
psylichon
Message 17/20 26-Nov-02 @ 02:46 PM - RE: Joke!
the spa. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first lady presses her
forearm and the beeping abruptly stops. Her two companions look at her
curiously and she explains, "That's my new pager. I have a microchip
embedded under the skin of my forearm, so it's with me at all times."
About 10 minutes later a phone rings. The second old lady lifts the palm
of her right hand to her ear, and begins speaking. Upon finishing her
conversation, she explains to her companions, "That's my mobile phone. I
have a microchip in my hand that allows me to be in touch with anyone at all times."
The third older woman is feeling decidedly low-tech and out of step with
her thoroughly modern friends. She excuses herself and temporarily exits
the sauna. In a few minutes, she returns with a piece of toilet paper
dangling from her derriere. Her chums are somewhat aghast and raise
their eyebrows in embarrassment for her.
Noting their reaction, the old lady retorts smugly, "I'm getting a Fax!"
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 18/20 27-Nov-02 @ 03:11 PM - RE: Joke!
One of the ladies immediately had a stroke.
The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Message 20/20 27-Nov-02 @ 05:14 PM Edit: 27-Nov-02 | 05:15 PM - RE: Joke!
two old boys see the two women flash past at high speed and out of the other door... they look at each other ...
"did you see that 'arry?"
"aye!"
"who was it?"
"Dunno... but whatever they had on needs a damn good ironing!"
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
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